Monday 9 January 2012

The Horror

Hey, whats up everybody? I know its been a while since my last entry, I've been busy, what with having two weeks of holidays, doing nothing but the obvious... spend time with family, partying, eating sushi with friends, watching shit tons of movies (both in theatres and at home), and playing countless hours on my PS3 (especially Infamous 2, that game is pretty fucking addictive). Now i'm back, after a relaxing two-week holiday. 


To be honest, I spent a good chunk of my holidays walking (part of my exercise routine). Walking helps me think about things, things in my life, why I don't want to back to school, why I feel so empty. Don't get me wrong, I find high school to be stimulating in an educational sense, but in a social sense, its not fun. Its kind of sad really, when you think about it, I don't feel so enlightened when it comes to socializing, sometimes I wish I was like Henry David Thoreau and live in the forest, isolate myself from society. Or at least, in any other case, wear a mask to hide myself from people and attention (I dislike it when people look at me or make me the center of attention by putting me on the spot, that's why I suck when it comes to eye-contact).


The reason why I title this entry as "The Horror" is because that's what i'm talking about.... the horrors of high school. I mean don't get me wrong, its not like I don't have any friends at all, I do have friends, I would consider myself to be an ambivert, not an introvert, or an extrovert, but an ambivert... yes its an actual word, look it up you lazy fucks. Basically being an ambivert means that i'm in the middle, i'm both an extrovert and an introvert at the same time, I have both introverted and extroverted attitudes towards things, whether it be working by myself with nothing but quite (or with my IPod on), or the fact that I have a small number of close friends and a large number of acquaintance's, people I just know and say "hi" to on a daily basis, or just once in a while, friends on facebook that I hardly talk to (with the exception of asking about a certain class). 


Sometimes I wish my life were more unrealistic, like a National Lampoon or American Pie movie, if there's anything that Van Wilder has thought me, its the mechanics on how to throw a bad-ass party, this and other things in those movies that I can relate to, minus all the sex that you hear about and see in those movies (the goal of loosing your virginity before you graduate is hilarious in movie form, though in reality, I find it to be very shallow). If my life was more like any of those movies, I would take out the sex-part, or in any case, make sure it doesn't happen to me, anyone else but me, choose the square next to me sitting by himself at the party to get his virginity lost, not me, lol.


Sometimes, and I say sometimes, I wish I would socialize more than I usually do, what I do is not enough. Maybe go to friends houses more, see people more, go to more party's, I wish, problem is that when those things do happen to me, I don't feel as happy as I should, i'm usually caught in a web, a web of confusion, all of these people around me, I don't feel normal, I feel tired and confused, which is pretty fucking sad when you think about it. Oh well, i don't know what to do, guess i'll live with it then. 


All in all, its a mess, i'm tired everyday, I don't socialize as much as I should, girls still confuse me... that's right, if there's one thing in this world that confuses me the most, its girls. Anywho, socialization is fucking brutal for me, i don't know why, I try to be quite and quiet, its really hard. Sometimes I feel that i'm the wise one, yeah, the quiet yet wise man that walks around the hallways every lunch spitting simple yet wise words, it would be neat if I were some kind of philosopher at some point in my life. 


I know when it comes to my writing, in this blog, I don't stick to one specific topic like most blogs. I branch-out to a wide array of topics, whether it be my travels, self-reflections on my life, plans for the future, observing the things around me, etc. I feel though I should be more open with my feelings when writing these entries, a touch to add to my experimental blog, of various topics.


Until that day....


HAUNTING YOUR PRESENCE 24/7!!!