Nightmares

Nightmares, we all have them occasionally, they usually scare us no matter what, mine don't, I think my nightmares are becoming my reality. I always have this same nightmare, here it goes.

In my dream, I'm this lost puppy, who is found by some random, yet pretty, girl, she's this girl who I've never seen before, I didn't know this girl, she wasn't part of my life in anyway, most likely a projection of my imagination. She takes me to her home, giving me the same gestures any girl would to a small puppy "oh, you’re so cute, who's a good puppy?" So things seem great, being a puppy that's getting pampered by a hot girl, right? Wrong, in the evening she was getting ready for some party, after she got ready she told me "you know, it would be great to show you off to all my friends tonight". So then she put me in a cage, and took the cage (with me in it of course) and then we walked to the party which was a block away from her house, she just walked into the house, going into the living room and said "hey everyone, look what I found this afternoon". She then placed the caged puppy me in the middle of the living room floor, and guess what? Everyone I knew, every person from my school, my closest friends, acquaintances, people I see at school but don't talk or hang out with, friends of friends, all circling around me, hysterically laughing, pointing fingers at me. Then all of the sudden, I transform from a caged puppy to my normal human self, wearing ripped clothes, chained to a wooden board, and everyone started throwing tomatoes at me, but not just tomatoes, they started throwing cups filled with beer at me, the DJ thought it would be funny to throw his equipment at me, one girl had the drunk guts to even throw a whole bottle of Vodka at me. It then came to the point where I was drenched in my own blood and everyone's alcohol, and then that girl who found me as a lost puppy then had a lighter in her hand, turned it on, threw it to the ground, and set the whole house on fire, with everyone I knew running out of the party. I was too numb and weak to even feel the pain of being burned or to escape, I was just hanging there, chained to a wooden board, letting myself corrode until I was mere ash. 

I've had three other renditions of this dream:


1. The burning of me happened on the dance floor of a school dance, it was Halloween, everyone one was dressed in weird costumes which I failed to even remember, while I was burning, they were all singing this drunken lullaby and circling around my burning corpse with cheer. 

2. I was at an X-mas party, everyone laughed while I was a lost puppy, then transformed into the tortured man, whoopdy-dee, you get the point. Anyway, this time I was chained to a X-mas tree, most of me was attached to the tree by having pine needles stabbed to my back, while I was burning, people gather and sang "O Christmas Tree", then ten minutes later they were all singing and dancing to "Rockin Around the Christmas Tree" and "Sleigh Ride", a girl I knew asked the pretty dream girl "wait, why are we doing this?" the pretty girl then says "meh, I'm out of fun ideas, were out of eggnog and I'm too drunk to care". Guess I was too numb to care about my insides being burnt. 

3. Where at a garden party, before prom, I'm at the bathroom fixing my hair, putting more cologne on, only to be kidnapped by these masked guys in white tuxedo's who take me to the dream girl. I say "what the fuck is going on?" she says "oh, you'll find out", she then sedates me. I wake up, only to be drenched in champagne, for some reason everyone is raising their glasses, then throws their drinks at me, dream girl gets a lighter, and the rest is self-explanatory.

Don't you understand? I've been corrupted by the things around me, the real horrors of high-school; they have now haunted my presence wherever I go. And no, to clarify things, I'm not being bullied, everyone has respect for me in my school, I like and respect all my peers, which is weird because a lot of those people I remember, they participated in the act of throwing objects at me in my dreams. Whenever I have this re-occurring nightmare, I wake up wanting to break a mirror/window, smearing the blood from my cuts onto my face, I want to pull my teeth out or gouge my eyes out (to remain blind from all of this) whenever I wake up from this nightmare, or when thinking about all of this during any other time of the day. Usually I don't have the tendency to cry when I have this nightmare, and the impulse to destroy and induce pain to myself only lasts for about 5 minutes, then everything is back to normal. It’s so weird, the effect that nightmares have on people, the fact that my nightmares are merely based on my surroundings, and then my dark conscience gives those surroundings, what I see, what I know, and turns them into the reality I never want to live. But then you think, from what you have seen in your nightmares, when it’s close to your life, you then ask yourself "Am I really this?" I started asking myself "Am I a target for punishment and torture?" "Am I a lost, confused, caged puppy?" I wish I knew the answer, I really do. I guess I can call myself a blood-thirsty animal, and if the demons disguised as people I know try to cage me or laugh at me during a party, I'll jump and have the angry impulse to tear someone’s head off, that's what they get for testing me. 

So I guess it’s now a matter of wondering, why do I feel this way when I shouldn't? I shouldn't because I have a pretty normal life, I'm comfortable with myself, I respect others, people respect me, I have my own life goals and I do my own thing, I try not to conform to things that I'm uncomfortable with, people respect me for that (well, at least most people, some people still question my life choices, interests and values, that's fine, all the better to share).

I guess now it’s a matter of time for me to look into this; the mystery behind my somewhat fucked-up dream. I will use my newly developed skill of controlling my dreams (lucid dreaming) to find what needs to be fixed in my dream-verse to prevent these future nightmares.       

Looking Back/Epic Hot Dogs/Future

Well, it’s another week of summer past, only two weeks left until school starts. I always enjoy school, this year will be interesting and worthwhile because this will be my final year of high school. I'm still wondering about the mysteries that wait for me this year. Having to be my final year of high school, I'm starting to look back at my past 3 years of high school, thinking to myself, saying "did I enjoy and live through school to the best extent?” I then said to myself, "ya, I did, could have done more but what I've done so far since the end of gr.11, was decent enough". I did what I could to be involved, and I’ll continue to do so, I've been to some of the school dances, school plays, parent teachers nights, sometimes I would even go with my parents for report card interviews with the teachers. Whenever I would stay home on those nights, I would worry if parents would bring pizza for my good work, or poison if I fucked up, or poisonous pizza if i'm doing "okay", shit it’s like that Simpsons episode all over again :P. No, even if I failed or did okay, my parents would never bring home poison, they're amazing parents, most of the time I think of them as my two best friends, I tell them a lot about my day, what I like and what’s going on with my friends and school. Going back to which school events I have attended, sadly I've only been to one Coffee House, but my friend Alex and I are thinking of starting a duo, I think it would be cool if it were a rap/hip-hop duo or even a full band, me on vocals and my limited piano skills (better practice), Alex on the guitar, and finding a bassist and a drummer. Although, sometimes I tend to feel depressed when I see happy people, I don't know why, I just do, is it because I have failed to accomplished what they have accomplished? Do they have something I don't have? The answer is still a mystery to me. I sort of feel that way during every X-mas assembly at school; The only parts that I enjoy are the parts that are put on by the teachers (i.e. they have a band and play kick-ass covers to other songs, funny skits, funny dances, etc), and the Friday Show special put on by Cougar Vision (news show at my school). The way I see it, I was talking to my counsellor about it after the holidays, it seems that the reason why the stuff at the Christmas assembly that actually relates to Christmas depresses me is that we hype and commercialize the hell out of one day, that's meant to be mostly about togetherness. That really in the end it becomes a huge let down, your expectations are not met after all the hype. Which is why I tend to feel that promoting Christmas in a X-mas assembly is depressing, watching school singing groups singing jolly X-mas songs or even students dancing to jolly X-mas songs, with their happy, blushing faces, depressing as the time my fish died when I was 9. Well, obviously they have to include Christmas in a X-mas holiday, what can I do? Nothing, just spend my holidays drowning myself in bottles of Coke, watching classic X-mas specials, sleeping and being with friends and family. I just wish people didn't a big fucking deal about Christmas, but in the end I can't destroy anything, others may want to disagree with me and enjoy their holidays. And besides, at least the assembly's have decent X-mas jokes, like the one with Santa Claus and Tiger Woods, and how at least Santa ends with 3 ho's, lol. Who knows, maybe I’ll invent my own holiday, a holiday of relaxation, doing all the holiday things that I enjoy as mentioned before, and possibly sleep my may throughout the entire holiday. 



Moving on.....

My friend Alex and I were thinking of creating our own YouTube channel, similar to EpicMealTime, only instead, we'll specialize in a food that we both value... hot dogs. It may not seem like it, but you can be very creative with hot dogs, we were thinking that like every week, we would post a video of us making all types of hot dogs. To start off, we were thinking of following some of these recipes from this awesome website (http://www.bonappetit.com/magazine/2009/07/international_hot_dogs). We also had an idea for a hot-dog to make around the time of Valentine’s Day, The Sexdog; a hot dog with honey, ginger and whipped-cream.... were using cool-whip, don't worry. Hopefully alongside with the band project, Alex and I can get this project running, for this project we need more of our friends, lots of money and a shit load of various ingredients, including lots of hot-dog wieners and buns, and also...girls, lots and lots of girls. If EpicMealTime can find hot girls on the street that are willing to gorge themselves in bacon wrapped food, then I’m sure it will be easy to find girls we know that are willing to eat lots of hot dogs.




Some ideas on what hot dogs we were thinking of making, for each episode we would make at least 20-30 of each hot dog we make.



And finally....


I know for the past little while since I created this blog, I have said that I'm going to post a new piece every Monday. So far, blogging had been good for me, it allows me to vent out my interests, both current and new, also some thoughts that I have on certain things, definitely not super personal stuff but some inner thoughts, only to allow myself to express myself to the people I know, and to a broader audience around the world, luckily people can easily find blogs by clicking the "next blog" button on the top right corner. I like how in blogging, it’s this whole community of people from all over the world, all walks of life expressing themselves in various ways, Blogger has done a good job of connecting all those people together and to share each other stories, life-experiences or whatever seems to be on someone’s mind, expressing it in text or through visuals. All legit reasons for why I’m continuing with blogging, even during the school year, but there will be changes. Because I will be busy with school (homework, Ultimate Frisbee, after school activities, etc), I may not be able to stick to a new blog post every Monday. Instead I will make a new blog-post, one for each week and post at anytime during the week, whether I post it during the day when I’m at school, or like late at night during the weekend. Either way, just thought I would let you know if you keep up with this blog and follow or read it on a daily/frequent basis. With the stories and events that I will experience this year at school and in my life, more interesting tales from yours truly will come. The future of my blog is known my friend, and it is bright.