The thing we all want, is it destroying me?

Okay, so I know it’s been a while since my previous blog post, I have been busy with family and volunteer work, and for that I haven't been updating my blog for the past while or so. During that time, I had some time to think about what I wanted to write about for this post. During the past week, I spent a lot of quality time with my cousins (thus being busy with family), one day, I showed my cousin my yearbook, and he then asked me while looking at it, asking if I had a girlfriend. I answered honestly, saying "no". He then laughed jokingly saying that I should have a girlfriend. Even though he was joking (and with that, I found his reaction towards me telling him I’m single to be hilarious). Even though I took it as a joke, that night, I couldn't stop thinking about what he said, it made me ask myself "SHIT!, why don't I have a fucking girlfriend?". Then, I asked myself "Why it is that society makes it so important to have a partner?" and "Why do they portray relationships as a thing that keeps you vital?" I got tired of asking myself questions after and then started to look back on all my previous attempts of trying to find that special someone, I tried 3 times, and failed all 3 times. After the third time, I was depressed for a little bit and then learned that it’s okay to not have a girlfriend. From then on, I became a proud single person. Although I’m happy with my new lifestyle, I still tend to envy those who are shackled to each other. I tend to feel sad, sad by the fact that I have no one to talk too, share food with, cuddle with, etc. This is probably why I don't care about happy endings in movies, plays. And even some romance films (basically I hate all romantic comedy's, except for The Notebook, which actually had a decent story, but I bet many of you can relate). So, the real situation here is the fact that, I love being single, it’s a lifestyle that suits me, if that's so, then why do I have the certain urge to like a certain girl once in a while? Why can’t I forget about it and move on? Why are these feelings mildly interfering with my life when it’s at peace, and importantly, when I’m at peace? So my answer to the question: Is the thing that we all want, is it destroying me? Yes.